A Strange Sense of Purpose

With my upcoming move to a different team here in the office and the fast approaching business travel and holidays next month, my days are becoming filled with tasks to complete, people to talk to, deadlines to meet, plans to be made, meetings to attend. I am busy, busy, busy and … *wait for this* … loving it!

It’s a strange thing really. I’m not a workaholic - I still have time for other activities, friends, family, and even my own “me-time”. Neither am I madly passionate about my job - after all, I’m pretty certain that I’m not changing the world or ending world poverty. But yet there is a sense of happiness that it brings.

For the longest time, having a job was all about being able to afford the kind of lifestyle that I desired. But then, somewhere along the way, things changed. Work became an outlet for me. It filled up the many free hours that I had by myself and gave me something to do when I was lonely. As I think about it, I truly believe it “saved” me in more ways than I ever imagined.

Apart from giving me something to do, there was, of course, the financial aspect - as my career grew, so did the money. And that was a good thing because without it, I wouldn’t have been able to afford most of the things I used as outlets to get through the difficult times. Whoever invented the idea of retail therapy is a guardian angel J

Work was also something that belonged solely to me, something that brought about fulfilment – the feeling that I could do this and nobody could take it away from me. It brought a sense of achievement and gave me a feeling of self-worth, something I was badly lacking at that time. It provided me with a distraction, helped me to focus, and allowed me to live in a practical world, where emotions play a very small role and do not overwhelm me. Where my head ruled my heart, where situations could be rationalised, choices were clear and decisions were logical. And all of this lumped up together gave me a feeling of being in control of a life that was otherwise just spiralling beyond me.

So, I have a great affinity for my work. Not for the passion of the job itself, but rather for the escape that it sometimes provides me, and the self-healing that it has given to me in the past. Things have changed significantly in my life now - the foundations are being re-built and I’ve become much more comfortable in my own skin again. So I don’t really need my work to fill the purpose it did in the past. But there are still times when I find myself needing an outlet, to focus and be distracted from emotions. And at moments like that you will find me at my laptop, tapping at my keyboard, focused on my screen, oblivious to the world around.